When my wife and I have sex, all I can think about is chicken fighting. She says I seem distant and distracted. How can I combine the two activities so we’re both happy?
Distracted in Denver

Dear Distracted in Denver: Please see our DVD Debbie Does Chicken Fighting for ideas on incorporating chicken fights into your love life. Past that, if she still has a problem and won't compromise get rid of her. Chicken Fight is more important.

What does it take to reach true chicken fighting enlightenment?
Meditating in Missouri

Dear Meditating in Missouri: You will never really reach true Chicken Fighting enlightenment, you will only strive for it.....and drink a lot of beer and carry a lot of hot chicks on your shoulders along the way. Not a bad deal, eh?

My partner has a yeast infection and we have a big Reverse match coming up. Should I get another partner or tough it out?
Suffocating in San Diego

Dear Suffocating in San Diego: We say dance with the one that brought you, or, in this case that you carried on your shoulders to this momentous match-up. For various fixes to your..er....her problem, click here for CFC's complete selection of masks.

My girlfriend says that Chicken fighting is for adolescents and if I don’t stop spending so much time on chickenfightclub.com that she’ll break up with me. What should I do?
Whipped in Wisconsin

Dear Whipped in Wisconsin: Get a new girlfriend. And send us your soon-to-be ex-girlfriends address; we'd like to personally tell her what we think about her views on Chicken Fighting. Just kidding.
Seriously, send it.

If I drown someone as a result of my mad CF skills, is it considered manslaughter or second degree murder?
Paroled in Portland

Dear Paroled in Portland: We should probably not field this question due to some legal harangue but since we don't have a legal department we'll suggest that you'll probably get the same treatment as a foreign diplomat, i.e.: full immunity. After all, Chicken Fighting rocks and if you're that good you're basically untouchable

How do I approach women to be my CF partner if I don’t come to a match with one?
Scotty B

Dear Scotty B: May we suggest Sex Panther? "60% of the time.".....you know the rest

I’m always the first one knocked down when I chicken fight – it’s really tough. How can I improve my chicken fighting skills so I’m not so embarrassed every time?
Always Wet in Alabama

Dear Always Wet in Alabama: First things first, cheat. Cheat as much and as often as you can. Obviously you're playing by the rules and you know the old saying, "cheaters always win", look at AIG Executives for god sake. Second, immediately get with one of CFC's expert in-house Chicken Fight Trainers to 'bone up' on your skills including your Stance (ask about the new Senator Larry Craig technique--it's proving to turn out more winners than any other technique in Chicken Fight history), trash talk or 'chirp', and drinking ability.