Local Chicken Fighters Have Trouble Making Friends At Hedonism II

SAN LUIS OPISBO, CALIFORNIA - Disruptive. Uncouth. Combative. Thoroughly embarrassing. Oddly seductive.

These are just a few of the adjectives used to describe local couple Art and Myrna Funkhauser, fresh off a vacation at Hedonism II, in Negril, Jamaica.

The Funkhausers decided to take up chicken fighting as a social activity, believing it would help them meet other couples at the clothing optional resort more easily.

“I guess chicken fighting was just too aggressive for these folks. But I gotta say, when some well-endowed fella sidles up to your wife and asks if she’s ‘down to celebrate Sexgiving’ with his girlfriend, asking another couple to chicken fight seems kind of tame.”, said Art Funkhauser, a 74 year-old retired copier salesman.

“I blame myself, really. I should’ve looked more closely at the resort because I didn’t realize what ‘clothing optional’ was”, said a puzzled Funkhasuer. The native of Lawrence, Kansas went on to say  “I thought clothing optional meant you can go to the dining room in your swim trunks but boy was I wrong!”

Myrna Funkhauser couldn’t be reached for comment as she's decided to make nudity her full time occupation, taking a position (ahem) as Activities Coordinator at the Hedonism II resort where she is determined to get chicken fighting on the list of approved activities.

Good for you, Myrna. Good for you. 

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